Another Outlet, Another Blog . . .: July 2008

SONG OF THE MOMENT: "Love is a Losing Game" - by Amy Winehouse. So instead of trying to explain why I love this song. I'll just show you . . .

Its a simple song with a simple melody but I love the fact that its still haunting and sad. (I think it helps because I also kinda really believe the lyrics. I'm not saying, i'm just saying . . . you know what I mean?)Such a talented artist who needs to get her frekkin' act together . . .

So now that summer has officially started (I mean the summer solstice was over a week ago but in chicago we try to start it at memorial day weekend . . . its all semantics), its been one full of ups and downs. So lets start with the downers (but its really not that bad).

I've been having issues with the family (well one member, really) the past month and it kind of stinks because I do love my family. I'm not going to go into details but thats probably one factor on why I was a majority of the month of June in a low mood. It's just tough to deal with when you don't want to get involved but kind of get dragged into it.

So dealing with that and just other inconsequential factors (I think the hopeless romantic that lays dormant in an otherwise smarmy and militant facade is getting to me when everyone else is having summer flings and I, alas, am not) really affected my performance at work. I was running late on certain projects and I knew the monthly evaluation was coming up (I have 3 monthly evaluations during the first 90 days of work) so feeling like I was under performing at work and then dreading the evaluation, even prepping myself for the worst - getting laid off. When the day came, I was sweating bullets, especially because I am becoming accustomed to the job and really enjoy myself . . . and in the end I had nothing to worry about. The evaluation came and it came with glowing reviews so I beat myself down for nothing.

I feel the main reason I was also so low is because I have not really been able to train and workout. You know the whole "endorphines make you happy" bit (If you have no clue to what I am referring to, watch "Legally Blonde," then you'll hear the memorable line that I am referring). I finally went to the Sports Medicine Specialist after having certain tingling sensations outside of my left knee and struggling with my left extension in the pool (and just general shoulder pains). To keep what is already going to be a pretty lengthy blog entry short, My IT bands (those are the Iliotibial Bands located on the outside of the legs that run along from the hip all the way down past the knee) are as hard as a brick which is NOT good and my shoulder is suffering from a long lasting tendonitis that is making my left side extremely weak because of extreme overuse. So I was finally given the okay to start running again but its like starting over - and I HATE STARTING OVER! Whereas I was running at least between 6 to 10 miles two to three times a week, its laborious to run 3 miles and its such a slow run, too. Definitely not the pace that I should be at. The worst part, though, is not being able to swim. I was told not to swim for at least 3 weeks (it hopefully ends this Friday). I HATE not being able to swim especially when I'm so motivated by the Olympic Trials right now (Dara Torres, Ms. "I am 41 but can kick those kids half my age's ass anyday. And I'm going to my 5th! Olympic" anyone???)

So here I have started going to Phyiscal Therapy for both my left leg and left shoulder and I'm extremely limited to the amount of weights I can do (Only being able to do certain leg, triceps and back so long as I don't do any lifting that required going overhead) and restarting my running program so late in the season. I've already had to cancel a couple of races and at costs I can't recoup. I'm not going to lie, I feel fat and extremely UNattractive right now and feel utterly embarrassed by my appearance. And dealing with what I have to go through to find someone specials, it all plays against my favor and makes me feels extremely depressed about it. I'm really hoping that once I start up again, its going to be a fast track back to where I was last year and hopefully get me back to the racing shape I need to be in to compete!

So not to make this Pity Party last for the whole short summer season here, and the good part about my going-ons, I have to say I have such amazing friends and the best time with them. Knowing I feel ugly and just down right pretty salty lately, they know how to get my going and make sure I'm actually having a fun summer - which I am. Here are some pictures to demonstrate: